She Speaks, She Writes, She Leads, and So Do I

Red-faced and willing away tears, I slumped down in my seat as my speech professor's words rang in my ears.

"Public speaking is definitely not for you," she told me after my nerves got the best of me yet again.

And for fourteen years, I believed her.

I found hiding behind a keyboard to be easier and safer than putting myself in front of an audience anyway, so for years, I journaled and reported, wrote articles and love letters, and dreamed of one day writing a manuscript. I threw myself into my passion with fervor, but with each passing event in my life, I waited for a "go" from God that never seemed to come.

Then the unthinkable happened. My sweet brother was suddenly and tragically taken from us.

Then the amazing happened. Hardened hearts were open to hearing truth again and God's grace turned everything upside down.

The words flowed swiftly after that and I wrote, into the night, as my kids played, as the dishes piled up, knowing that finally, finally!, this was the story God wanted me to share with the world.

But with my story on paper, God revealed that the next step in my getting-my-book-published journey wasn't getting my book published at all.

Speak it. 

"But I can't," I cried. "I don't do that."

Speak it.

So as fear pressed hard into my throat and my legs threatened to give out, I shared a pared-down version of my story in front of our church's mom's group. And to my delight, I didn't throw up. Or die.

That 45 minute talk chipped away a few layers of the self-doubt and insecurity that I carried for fourteen years and showed me that God doesn't limit my potential to just paper and ink, so why should I?

After surviving another opportunity to speak in front of real, live people recently, the next step in my journey became very clear. It's less about fulfilling a life-long dream, accomplishing a goal or crossing something off my bucket list, and more about sharing the amazing things He's done for me by any means possible. Whether it's through publishing a book, sharing my personal experiences at Nar-Anon meetings, or encouraging a friend, I want others to know how great our God is.

That's my calling. The words are written and my heart is open.

And that's why I would love to win one of the two Cecil Murphy Scholarships to attend the She Speaks Conference this summer.

She Speaks offers learning opportunities and valuable information for women at every stage of their writing, speaking or leadership journeys. Writers will hear from publishers, editors and industry professionals who will answer questions and offer advice. Speakers will learn how to polish their messages and be evaluated based on their experience levels. Those on the leadership track will learn about building their ministries, resolving conflict and reaching their audience.

If this sounds like something you'd be interested in, hope on over to Lysa's blog to submit your own post! If you're reading this and you don't have a blog, there's a special scholarship available for non-bloggers too. 



(This is actually my third(!) try to win this scholarship in as many years. My previous entries can be found here and here. Is there an award for Most Persistent?)